Relationship Maintenance

Picture: pianoforte by joseph lorusso

When we believe we have found the love of our lives and the perfect match, and everything seems perfect, have you ever thought that there's nothing else to do, and the relationship will continue happily ever after? Unfortunately, a happy, healthy relationship doesn't naturally continue on its own when we start it. We need to engage in some behaviors either through routine actions or strategically to maintain our relationship. These behaviors not only help us sustain our relationship healthily but also can improve the overall quality of the relationship.

Research indicates five crucial relationship maintenance behaviors:

  • Positivity
  • Openness
  • Assurance
  • Shared Social Environment
  • Shared Responsibilities

Positivity: Positivity involves engaging in happy, joyful, and satisfying interactions with our partners. Giving gifts, complimenting each other, laughing together, participating in positive activities, making an effort to do things that our partner enjoys, and avoiding actions that our partner dislikes all contribute to the positivity in a relationship. Studies show that relationships suffer more from not adequately remembering positive experiences than from negative ones. Therefore, focusing on the positive aspects of our relationship benefits us. Additionally, one partner's positivity affects the positivity of the other partner.

Openness: Being open in a relationship means openly discussing our feelings and thoughts with our partners, actively listening to them, and being open about ourselves. When we are open with each other, we share our positive and negative experiences, communicate honestly, and can discuss the current state and future of our relationship, which helps us solve problems.

Assurance: Assurance occurs when partners are certain of each other's love and commitment. It involves recognizing the importance and value of the relationship and being sure that both partners understand this value. Behaviors in this category include providing comfort and security when needed, being faithful to each other, and making future plans together.

Shared Social Environment: Spending time together and engaging in shared activities strengthen the intimacy of a couple. However, spending time with common friends, planning activities with a shared social environment, and having experiences with mutual friends contribute to the strengthening of their relationship. Having a shared social environment that approves of the relationship builds trust, positively influencing the relationship.

Shared Responsibilities: In a relationship, partners need to take equal responsibilities and roles. Sharing household chores or both sides taking equal responsibilities for resolving issues after a disagreement are examples of shared responsibilities. It is important for partners to share tasks based on their strengths and weaknesses.

Why do we need these strategies?

Some theories can help answer this question. One of them is the equity theory, which suggests that each partner becomes happy with the relationship to the extent of effort they put into it. This aligns with the saying "you reap what you sow." For example, by complimenting our partner and approaching them with a positive attitude, we contribute positively to our relationship. As a result, our partner also says pleasant words to us, compliments us, and becomes more cheerful. Various variables play a role in the behaviors we exhibit to continue our relationship:

    • Relationship Satisfaction: As our relationship and partner meet our expectations, our satisfaction increases. Behaviors that we exhibit to sustain our relationship also increase our satisfaction. Moreover, as our satisfaction increases, we are more motivated to engage in behaviors to continue our relationship.

    • Commitment: Commitment manifests itself through behaviors aimed at increasing happiness in the relationship and continuing it. As individuals make spiritual investments in their relationships and build trust, they begin to see fewer alternatives around them. Thus, the relationship continues more happily.

    • Joint Decision Making: Partners acting together in making decisions helps them continue their relationships. Partners who make future plans together and benefit from the relationship are more motivated to continue their relationships.